This is my testimony, sharing about what my journey with Christ has been like and how God has been at work. There have been highs and lows, times of great joy and times of desperate grief. But through it all, I’ve found one thing that is unchanging and never failing: the power and love of God.
I was born into a Christian family. My parents were both strong Christians and taught my siblings and me about God. One of my earliest memories is of being in the preschool Sunday School class. What we were learning about faded from memory, but I do remember the excitement I felt when Sunday came around each week.
They day I became a Christian is still a vivid memory. Nothing in particular led up to it, and it’s amazing to look back and see what that simple prayer led to.
My older sister Miriam was taking my younger sister Betsy and I out for a sister day. We were going to go bowling. On the way, we stopped to get cookies and somehow, the conversation turned to faith. I asked Miriam about when she became a Christian. As she told us, I listened intently, thinking carefully about what she said. After she finished, I thought for a moment before saying, “I want to be a Christian too.” Beside me in the backseat, Betsy announced that she did too.
I would say that that decision to follow Christ was one of the first turning points in my life. I knew that being a Christian meant that my life should be different, and that following Him and telling others about His love should be a priority. But to a shy little girl whose community consisted mostly of believers, how to go about that was unclear.
For quite a few years, I was content with attending church and Sunday School, helping in the church wherever I could, and occasionally doing personal devotions. My faith wasn’t very personal at that point. I did all the things, but it was mostly surface level. I didn’t know what a deep faith should be like, and I never thought to ask anyone about it.8
In 2021, my sister and I both made the decision to be baptized. This was another turning point; I was finally thinking about what I believed, why I believed it, and how those beliefs applied to life.
Baptism is a big decision, and all the important people in my life were going to be there. That is, all except one. When I was little, my brother Gabriel decided that he didn’t want to be a part of our family anymore. So, for many years, we didn’t have any contact with him. But in the same year Betsy and I were baptized, the two of us were able to talk with Gabriel via Messenger. Betsy had the idea to invite him up for the baptism. I wasn’t getting my hopes up; I didn’t think he’d want to come. But he did! I remember that the week leading up to the Sunday he was coming, Betsy and I were so excited to see him again.
After I was baptized, things were going pretty well. I was doing a good Bible study and was excited about serving God and making a difference. I was praying for Gabriel every day, hoping that one day he’d come back to the family again. I honestly thought that day was coming.
All that changed on June 30, 2023. I was at work when the police came to our house and told my parents that Gabriel was in an accident and was seriously hurt. That was the last thing I ever expected to hear, and I was in shock. The whole way home, I was praying that we’d have a chance to say goodbye. But we didn’t have that chance. Gabriel died that morning, before we arrived at the hospital.
At the time of Gabriel’s death, I wondered two things. One, how we would move on after the death of someone so close to us. Two, why God would let something so heart wrenching to happen. A year later, I can look back and see all the ways that God was working, even down to the smallest things. On the saddest day I’ve ever experienced, God was there, and I believe that wholeheartedly.
That wasn’t always the case, though. For many months, I struggled with anger and doubt, and questions about why my dear brother was gone. Yes, I knew all the right answers: God is always in control. His ways are higher than our ways. But in the midst of a tragic loss, I think it’s hard to hold on to those truths. But after going through counseling, studying the Word, and spending a lot of time praying and journaling, I can say that I’m at peace with what happened, and I’ve worked through all the tough stuff.
Life isn’t always easy and fun, I’ve learned that for certain. But the good news is that God never leaves! One of my favorite Christian songs is Hallelujah Anyway by Rend Collective. I want to leave you with the second verse and chorus:
Yeah, I hear a hymn of triumph
In the wilderness of my lamеnt
In the lowlands or the mountain tops, I won’t forget
All that goodness that You have shown me
The promises that You have kept
There’s better days on the horizon up ahead
Even if my daylight never dawns
Even if my breakthrough never comes
Even if I’ll fight to bring You praise
Even if my dreams fall to the ground
Even if I’m lost, I know I’m found
Even if my heart will somehow say
Hallelujah anyway
